The OMass Mass-spec Club


June 22, 2022

The OMass Mass-spec Club

As part of our all-hands meeting on the 16-17th of June 2022, we hosted a talent show to celebrate all of the talented people of OMass.

The poem below was one of the entries, and we thought it was just too good not to share!

THE OMASS MASS-SPEC CLUB by A.B. “Benjo” Paterson

It was somewhere up the country, in a land of spires and pub,
That they formed an institution, called the OMass MassSpec Club.
They were smart and wiley natives, of the bookish entourage,
Yet a compound was never flown that the lads would find at large;
But their style of playing detector was irregular and rash -
They had mighty crazy science, and a mighty lot of dash:
As they detected on reco pieces that were obsolete and down,
Though their coats were still unbranded, and their ELNs but a frown.
Still they used to bend those pieces, collating compounds in the pub
They were demons, were the members, of the OMass MassSpec Club.
It was somewhere far from country, in a city's smoke and steam,
That a VC club existed, called the Cuff and Collar Team.
As a social institution 'twas a marvellous success,
For the members were distinguished, by exclusiveness and dress.
They had shiny new laptops that were nice, and smooth, and sleek,
For their cultivated owners, only used 'em once a week.
So they started up the country, in pursuit of c’pd and fame,
For they meant to show the OMassians, how they ought to play the game;
And they took their valets with them, just to give their screens a scrub
Ere they started operations on the OMass massSpec Club.
Now my readers can imagine how the advice ebbed and flowed,
When the OMass boys got going, it was time to clear the road;
And the science was so terrific, that ‘ere half the time was gone
From Series A to Series B, as the spectators just looked on
For they Natived every program, till the plain was strewn with leads
While the burn rate was kept even, from the slick financial deeds
And the Cuff and Collar captain, when he slinked back to the smoke
Muttered these folk know what they’re doing, I ain’t be going broke
Then the queen of the OMassians, standing tall and astride
With her Pharmacol, GPCR & solute carrier experts, by her side
Let out one mighty roar, --- I’ll be havin’ ya! ---
The beasts of ‘65, MC2, KCC2, SLC15A4 and gasdermin fell before ‘er
The likes of not been seen, for time and time before
And your not to see the likes of this, ‘ere forever more
Now by the old Thames River, where the breezes shake the grass,
There’s a new momument to Dame Carol, MS folks can never pass 
For it bears a crude inscription saying, "biology in flight”,
Born from Cuff and Collar, and OMassian strength and might
And on a misty moonlit eve, while the students howl around,
You can see their proteins floating down that ever ‘olo ground;
You can hear the loud collisions as the flying complexes meet,
And the rattle of detectors, and the rush of Idi’s feet,
Still back & forth and back & forth, collating compounds in the pub
You’re now all members, members, members of the “OMass MassSpec Club”!!!
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